Letters to My Son

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My Precious Boy,

I’m sitting in our back yard tonight looking at the garden you helped me plant this weekend. Just a few hours ago, this patio table was covered with Star Wars Legos and you were teaching me all about them. I love watching your excitement! Georgie, you are so very loved. So valued and cherished.

God created you with an extra tender heart. You have a sensitivity toward others that runs deep.  You are usually aware of how others might be thinking or feeling. These are special things God has planted within you, and they will grow into beautiful tools that you can use to show compassion to many. They will also help you in your relationship with Jesus; having a tender heart toward Him, being sensitive to when He is speaking to you or wants you to do something.

Along with this, you are living with Type 1 Diabetes which has opened your eyes to a whole new world. You can empathize with people going through pain and suffering. In the past few weeks I have noticed that you not only empathize, but you act on it.  Which is true compassion.

  • When we read the Bible and pray you always want to pray for your Dad.  “Dear God.  Thank you for this beautiful day.  Please put joy and grace down deep into my Dad’s heart.  Let him know I want to play with him and I love him.”
  • I was struggling through some discouragement recently.  You could tell even though I tried my best to hide it from you. I will always remember how you told me that I’m beautiful and graceful and the bestest mom. You hugged me, kissed me and told me that you would help me all day long.
  • Your sister stepped on a bee yesterday. Your dad and I couldn’t get her calmed down, but you brought her water.  Then you brought a piece of bread and helped her eat it. You spoke soothingly to her about how the pain wouldn’t last long and everything would be OK.  She stopped crying and allowed you to care for her.  Because you have experienced pain, you knew how to care for someone in pain.  It was breathtaking to watch.

And Georgie, just as you reach out and care for others, I want to be sure that you know how many are reaching out and caring for you as well.  Today I realized this in a profound way.  Your grandparents from Lacey, WA are here visiting and taking care of your great grandma for a few weeks.  Your Grandma Patty had to learn how to give insulin shots to your great grandma.  When you realized this, you wanted her to give you a shot for lunch today.  My heart was in my throat because you haven’t allowed anyone to give you a shot except your dad and me since your hospital visit.  It was a huge step for you!  And for me.

So many people are ready and willing to walk this road with you.  Your grandparents here in town went to an all day seminar to learn how to care for you and give shots.  Your brother and sister-in-law are researching, learning, gathering recipes and doing all they can to be prepared in case anything ever happened to your dad and I.  My parents are learning as much as they can as well. Your uncle, aunt and cousins sent a huge box of goodies especially to bring us joy.  And above all…everyone is praying.  Contending for your healing.  Constantly.

I’m sure by the time you read these letters, you will know that one of my all time favorite books/movies is The Lord of the Rings.  Toward the end of the movie, when Frodo and Sam are trying to climb the last mountain that will take them to destroy The Ring, Frodo falls down under the weight of the evil ring and cannot get up.  Sam cries, “I cannot carry the ring for you.  But I can carry you!!”  And he carries Frodo up the mountain.

We cannot carry T1D for you, my brave boy.  But we can, and will carry you.  Because we are also being carried.  By the Creator and Maker of tender, sensitive hearts.  By the One who loves us beyond measure.

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Letters to My Son

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Dear Georgie,

Your newest favorite thing is to sit down with me after dinner and teach me about your Lego Star Wars thingymajiggers.  I don’t know what most of them are, but you know the name of every ship, droid, clone and robot.  You know how they function and where they came from.  You know who the good guys and bad guys are.   And I’m completely enjoying the education.

You’re a very good teacher.

I have learned a tremendous amount from you in the 41 days since you were diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes (T1D).  And I know I’m not the only one.  But tonight, there are a few things on my heart that I want to teach you:

  • Running and hiding doesn’t take the pain away, it just delays it.  Last night you ran and hid when I told you about your pre-dinner shot.  I wish with all my heart that shots didn’t hurt.  That anti-bodies didn’t attack pancreas’s.  And that this evil disease didn’t exist.  But my darling boy…we cannot run from pain.  On this side of Eternity, we cannot hide from it either.  We must face it head on and allow it to drive us straight into the safety of God’s presence.  He is close to the brokenhearted.  Wherever there is pain, I promise you my sweetheart, He is near.  Because He too, feels our pain.
  • Honeymoons don’t last forever, but true commitment does.  Your blood sugars have been rising these past few days.  Its too early for me to know if you are becoming ill or if your honeymoon phase is ending.  If it is an illness then we can deal with that (although I haven’t learned how yet).  But if your pancreas is finally shutting down completely, our small season of honeymooning is over.  Honeymoons are wonderful!  But they end and real life in the real world begins.  It is important to be spirit-led instead of emotionally-led.  There is a big difference.  Just because you feel something doesn’t make it true.  Truth is found in a man.  A man named Jesus.  And in His Holy Word.  Life is full of ups and downs, and our emotions follow.  You will have even more ups and downs than the average person because of T1D.  You must be committed to truth.  Because truth never changes.  Your commitment to Jesus and to His Holy Word will make all the difference in your life.  It has in mine.  I’ve staked my life upon it.
  • You have choices.  I can already see the effects of this disease on you…in the sense that it takes many choices away from you.  Apparently, you cannot be a professional truck driver if you have T1D.  Or a commercial pilot.  Or join the military.  Today we were talking about the new Sprouts market opening up down the street.  One of your favorite treats is a honey stick from Sprouts.  I finally spoke around the huge lump in my throat and explained that honey wasn’t a food choice for you any longer.  I watched the battle on your face as you started crying.  You cried for 15 minutes.  I know it wasn’t just about a stupid honey stick.  It was about the fact that you felt one more choice taken from you because of T1D.  But Georgie, you do still have choices.  You can choose nutrition and exercise, or you can choose more shots.  Choose to overcome, or choose to be a victim.  Choose to walk with God, or choose to fight against Him.  Choose to survive, or choose to live.  Learning how to make good choices takes time and often depends on our perspective…see next point.
  • Perspective is a big deal!!  Disease, healing, God’s sovereignty, suffering…these are all things we wrestle with daily.  It is important to have the right perspective about these issues.  Can you see the difference in these two sentences?

It is because of God that I’m forced to survive this painful life.   OR   I can survive this painful life because of God.

Just as you know the name of every Star Wars ship, droid, clone and robot, I pray you intimately know the Name Above Every Name, the One True God, Jehovah, Yeshua, Jesus.

Just as you know how things function and where they come from in the Star Wars world, I pray you know exactly where you come from, and what your purpose in this life is to be.  You are a miracle boy.  Sent to us straight from Heaven.  Literally.  I pray you walk in the footsteps of your Savior, who suffered much, loved unmeasurably and served others.  These things you already do at the tender age of 5!

Just as you know who every Star Wars good and bad guy is, I look forward to watching you grow into a mighty warrior.  One who fights for justice, honor, truth, integrity and mercy.  One who fights for life in the face of disease.  One who stands up for those who have no voice.

And we will all continue to learn from you.

Just as I will tomorrow night after dinner.  Because I know your dad bought you a new Lego Star Wars thingymaggiger.  And I can’t wait to hear all about it.

I love you with aaaaaaaaallllllll of my fart.  I mean heart.

Momma
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