My sweet boy,
Someday when you are all grown up, you might have questions about these early months of your Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis. I promise you, my memory will not be very sharp, so I decided I will write you letters at least once a week. I hope and pray that however old you are when you read these, or whatever journey the Lord takes you on between now and then, that these letters will encourage you. God has His hand on you continually. He loves you and has a good plan for your life.
This week your body started producing some insulin again. It’s called the “Honeymoon Phase.” Somehow, since you are receiving insulin through shots, your body is able to produce some as well. Unfortunately, all the anti-bodies that are attacking your pancreas will continue to attack, and eventually even this last bit of insulin production will stop. No one knows how long the honeymoon will last. All I know for sure is that it has been a blessing.
You have gone from 5 shots a day, down to only one. Mealtimes are easier because its not as crucial that you eat specific amounts of carbs as long as you stay below a certain number. Life looks a little bit more like it used to. For now.
But you are still adjusting to our “new normal.”
- Sometimes when your blood sugar goes low, you cry and cannot stop. Several times now, I have been unable to reason with you during a low. So, I just give juice and rock you in my lap until you can stop crying. Once, I couldn’t get you to leave the kitchen, so I just sat on the kitchen floor with you in my lap and rocked you until your sugar came up. Another time, you crawled onto our bed hysterically sobbing and calling my name. I gathered you in my arms and rocked you there. I sang over you. Songs about the Lord being your shield and your helper. And you quieted down and just let me hold you. These moments are as precious to me as they are painful.
- This week, because I knew you wouldn’t need a shot before lunch at pre-school, I allowed the nurse to take care of you at that time. I know it was scary for you, but you were amazingly strong and courageous. You have no idea the amount of texts I was sending to your teacher and nurse to make sure you were alright. I almost can’t bear to hand your care over to another in this way. But I also cannot bear allowing Diabetes to hinder you. You have always been so extroverted, and loved school. I will not allow this disease to keep you from the things you love.
- We decided to go to your favorite restaurant last night, Sweet Tomatoes. I had to go online, look at their nutritional info to calculate carbs to see if you might need a shot for your dinner/dessert. When I realized you would need one, I asked if you still wanted to go. You didn’t hesitate. You prepared yourself for the shot like a little soldier. In one way, it gave me joy that you responded with such bravery. But in another way, it broke my heart because I know this bravery comes with a cost. Halfway through the meal I knew you were not eating enough carbs and I gave too much insulin. I tried to force feed you the mac and cheese. When that didn’t work, I gave you the biggest bowl of ice cream you have ever had. It was covered with more sprinkles than you have ever seen. You ate it all, and had some high numbers in the middle of the night, but I’ll never forget the twinkle in your eyes.
- Just today you asked me, “Momma, when will I be done with Type 1 Diabetes?” All I could do was hold you tight. I didn’t have an answer for you. I noticed how quiet you got. I wished I could know what you were thinking and feeling.
Perhaps you were thinking about what we read on Wednesday.
On Wednesday morning you got out of bed and said, “Mommy, we HAVE to read the Bible this morning. PLEEEEAAAASE!!! We have to!” So after I had my coffee in hand, and you and Sissy had your water with drops of flavored Stevia (to make it kinda like juice), we opened the Jesus Storybook Bible. As it happened, we were on the story of John and his vision of what Heaven will be like, from the book of Revelation. When I read that there will be no more sickness and no more tears, I couldn’t hold back my crying. I had such a longing in my soul for that day….a longing that has developed because of this disease. I looked at you to see if you understood. You had joy in your eyes! You held my hand and you talked about how much you looked forward to seeing Jesus on that day. It was no accident that you wanted to read the Bible that morning. The Lord wanted to encourage you! And you were listening.
George, you are an incredible little miracle man. It is absolutely true that adding resistance makes us stronger. I have watched you grow stronger every day. I pray that you keep looking to the Lord as your source of strength.
As we say every night before bed,
“I love you with aaaaaallllllll of my fart. I mean, heart.”