“My Father, I think You are asking too much of me.”
It wasn’t until this morning that I allowed myself to verbalize it. A little over two weeks ago our 5 1/2 year old son George was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.
In the next few blogs I’m going to write a lot about his diagnosis, what it means for our George, our family and friends, how it feels, what we’re having to learn, how life has drastically changed. But today I’m going to write about what hasn’t changed. Because if I don’t force myself to remember the foundation my life is built upon, I will absolutely be blown away in the midst of this storm.
This morning I got my son ready for pre-school, just like I have since the beginning of the school year. Except this time, I prepared a box for his teacher. In the box is insulin, needles, glucose tablets, glucagon (in the event his blood sugar goes so low that he is unconscious), alcohol swipes, his blood glucose meter and test strips and lancet, snacks labeled with exact amounts of carbs, juice, orders from the doctor and emergency numbers to the Barbara Davis Center for Childhood Diabetes. I talked with him about the nurse who would be testing his blood sugar level, reminded him not to share snacks, and made sure he could verbalize when he gets dizzy or tired. As I put his “I have Type 1 Diabetes” medical alert bracelet on, I found that I couldn’t breathe….I finally broke down and prayed, “Lord, this is too much. You’re asking too much of me.”
Even now as I sit here writing, his teacher and nurse are texting me blood glucose numbers and letting me know how much of his snack he ate.
So much has changed. Some days I feel that everything has changed. But some things remain the same.
- God’s character doesn’t change. He is good. He is love. He is faithful. He is powerful. He is Provider. He is Healer. He is Comforter. He IS.
- God’s Word doesn’t change. The morning following his diagnosis we were in the hospital still. I awoke to an old song running through my spirit, “The Lord is my keeper, the Lord is the shade on my right hand.” It was from Ps. 121. One of God’s many promises to me that never, ever changes.
- God’s requirement of me doesn’t change.
Although today, I feel that He is asking way too much of me. I honestly cannot do this. Giving my beloved little boy 5 shots a day, even more finger pokes, explaining why certain foods are no longer healthy, calculating insulin for carbs and blood sugar correction, watching closely for any symptoms of highs or lows, buying my little girl a toy medical kit because all she wants to do is give shots to her baby dolls…and the absolute hardest for me: watching George grow up too fast, having to face life way too early, and seeing changes in his little personality as he processes through what Type 1 Diabetes means for him right now. Its TOO MUCH. Way too much.
But then He speaks to my heart as only He can. And He simply says one thing. “Come.” That all encompassing word of hope, life, peace and joy. “Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest…I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matt. 11:28-30
The only thing He is requiring of me right now is to come to Him. Because it is too much. I cannot bear it. I cannot carry this. So I must let Him carry me.