Outside my backdoor window are countless tiny birds. They aren’t flashy or pretty, but they are fun to watch. I’m trying to follow one of them with my eyes and I can’t because its movements are too quick. I can’t imagine why there are so many in my backyard this morning.
The reason I was looking out the back window is because I was praying and didn’t want the kids to see the tears in my eyes. This week has been challenging for me. Not sure I need to list out my challenges for all to read, but one of them has been that my neck went out causing tremendous pain. I have had a chronic neck-thing for the past 11(ish) years and nothing frustrates this task-oriented person more than this issue. You don’t realize how important a simple thing like turning your head is until you cannot do it….for several days. I (try to) continue to do all the stuff I normally do during my day, but it definitely sets me back and hinders me.
So I’ve had extra time on my hands. Time when I would normally be exercising, cleaning, grocery shopping, gardening or wrestling with George. And this week, that extra time allowed me to come up with quite a long list of everything that I think is lacking in my life right now. My list isn’t lengthy, but it is rather deep. And the more I dwell on it the more responsible and guilty I start feeling. I can see several things that I could be doing better/different…and if I only worked harder, prayed more, fasted more, DID more then I’m sure everything would be better.
Sometimes deep thoughts like these just aren’t helpful. They can lead to discontentment, guilt and complaining.
And I was complaining to God this morning. I disguised some of my complaints as prayer or “seeking God”, but in all honesty I wasn’t asking the Lord for His will or His counsel. I was telling Him what was wrong with my life. I was also telling Him everything wrong with me. My thoughts on all the ways I fall short were coming fast and furious as I tried to tell Him how sorry I was.
So He sent the birds.
As I watch them a few Scriptures come to mind…
“Even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Matt. 10:30
“I tell you, do not be anxious about your life…look at the birds…they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” Matt. 6:25-33
“Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Matt. 6:8
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” Jer. 31:3
When will I remember that its not all about me? It’s truly not about my life, my strengths, or my weaknesses. It’s not about my bills, my health or my endless lists of meaningful tasks. It is also not about my perspective; what I think I need, or my definition of “God’s provision.”
That stuff is for the birds, so to speak.
Now I’m watching the birds with tears in my eyes, but these are different kinds of tears. Thankful, relieved, refreshed kinds of tears. Tears that come when I realize I am loved and taken care of…not because of anything I have done. But because of Who He Is.
I’m praying He sends His little bird-messengers to you today too.