My Reality

oceans 1

This blog is about the bare bones of my little world.

It has been a hard week. My neck and back have been giving me pain for over a month straight. So much so that I can’t walk sometimes, and I cannot clean my house or do simple things like lift George to his changing table. Our finances are meager, we’re both seeking different ways to make more money. I’ve been working hard to figure out some kind of health insurance we can qualify for. Some relationships are strained and need healing.

Shane is having a meeting with someone this morning. I’ve been praying on and off all night and morning about this confrontation because its a big deal that it goes well. I decided to let George spend the morning with his Grandpa so I could get some things done around the house…my back has been improving over the last 24 hours (probably due to the fact that I’ve been begging Jesus for a miracle so I can at least function!).

Anyway…I’m cutting coupons, going online and printing coupons and trying to put together a grocery list based on what’s on sale…which if you’ve ever done, you know how much brain power is needed for such a task. When all of a sudden I feel a small nudge from the Holy Spirit. I put down my scissors and just waited on Him for a minute. It seemed like He wanted me to go to the piano and worship. Usually this would’ve been a small battle for me to fight because I’m so task oriented. Usually I would say, “OK, Lord. I’ll do it as soon as all the coupons are ready.” But this isn’t a usual season of life. We’re desperate for the presence of Jesus.

So I put everything away and went to the piano. My piano. I cry just thinking of how much worshipping Jesus on my piano means to me.
…I have years of memories when I was in Jr. and Sr. High School, of worshipping together with special friends. We would get out worship books and sing for hours.
…In college I would go to the classroom building and find a quiet spot and try to seek God for direction and purpose, while praising Him on the piano.
…Whenever I was stressed, nervous, hurting or confused I would go to the piano and worship until peace returned.
…And then of course is the time my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I played and sang and tried to believe God for a miracle for hours, while she sat in her rocking chair, gazing at a pic of her 1st grandchild weeping.
…I used to play piano for worship at my church where I was an associate pastor. I loved those Sundays. Then sometimes I played when I was a youth pastor, and I would feel led to lead a song or have some prophetic moments from the piano.

But it has been years since I laid it all down. Literally. Laid down my expectations. Laid down my demands. Laid down my tasks. Laid down my self-consciousness. And just spent time with Jesus in this way.

Until today.

My reality changed today when I was in His presence, playing the piano, worshipping Him. I’m no longer a stressed out, full-of-neck and back pain, worried about relationships, looking for a job from home girl. I’m a daughter of the King of Kings who is taking care of me and my household. I’m a valued citizen of the Kingdom of God who has purpose and who is called by the Almighty God to bring glory to Him.

Shane is still meeting with that person, I still have a grocery list to make and lots of coupons to juggle, while trying to take enough ibuprofen to get through the grocery store. BUT…in my spirit I’m singing, “Your love Oh Lord reaches to the Heavens. Your faithfulness stretches to the sky. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains. And your justice flows like the ocean’s tide.”

And my world looks quite different.


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