This morning I went to church with George. Shane had to work, and our friend GN who is here visiting went to pull weeds (crazy guy) with Shane.
I have been very homesick the past few weeks. The adrenaline of moving, fixing the kitchen, learning my way around etc is wearing off. I’ve been trying to stuff all my emotions way down so as not to burden anyone, but this weekend the stuffing backfired. After my huge cry session last night while everyone was sleeping, I woke up this morning and knew today would be interesting. My emotions weren’t only on my sleeve that’s for sure.
A fella I went to PBC with is the pastor of the church we’re starting to attend. I took piano lessons from his wife. The youth pastors are the ones I invited to speak at the summer youth camps we had when I was a youth pastor in Tacoma. So there are lots of familiar faces, along with the same “spiritual DNA” so-to-speak having come from the same college and church in Portland.
I wasn’t looking where I was going when I first walked into the service, and I ran right into the pastor. We hadn’t met yet since my moving here, so he gives us a huge greeting hug and asks how I’m doing. He was so kind. So sincere. And I was an emotional train wreck. I cannot talk while crying. So I’m standing there trying to answer him and all I can get out is, “Fine. I’m fine.” And I start crying. He just hugged us and prayed for us and darn it I couldn’t stop crying. So I still haven’t really visited with him, but I’m sure I will.
I took George to the nursery not knowing if he would let me leave or not. But as soon as I put him down, he went up to a little girl and started rolling around on the ground with her, playing with toys and completely forgetting I was there! It was a miracle to say the least.
For the first time in a very long time, I was able to sit and listen to a sermon and enjoy it and grow from it. The message had to do with the portion of Scripture where Jesus asks the disciples who they think He is. And it is making me stop and think tonight. Who is Jesus to me? Who am I allowing Him to be? Who does He want to be? How does He want to reveal Himself to me in this season of my life when I so desperately need Him?
My homesickness is normal and natural and will probably be around for a bit. But I remembered today that I can find my home in His presence. No matter where in this world I am. He is my husband, He is my friend, He is my Father…He is my home. Seems simple and elementary, but today it was breath and life to me. Today it gave me hope.
And hope is the foundation of faith. And this season is faith-building for sure.
So I’m thankful for this church that felt like home. For old acquaintances/friends who will become new friends. For reminders that bring hope and healing. And for the King of Kings who lets this heart find rest in His home.